Just Your Standard Bull
published: January 13th 2017
by: Michael Sturgess
Happy New Year everybody. I trust you all enjoyed some well-deserved time off with friends and family over the holiday season. And I further hope the only thing strange you encountered was the weird weather. Dallas set a new all-time high temperature for Christmas day when the thermometer rose to 80 degrees. Then we saw lows drop on January 7th and 8th down into the teens—only to see high temperatures today, January 10th reach 78 degrees. Talk about your extremes!
So—have you made your New Year’s Resolutions? We all do of course. But as we do, perhaps what we are really trying to do is to alter our future paths in a positive way. We try to better ourselves by vowing improvement in one or more things. What one never does is to declare what I will call alternative resolutions. In other words, think of it as coming to the proverbial fork in the road, then deciding which path to take.
And to test this new resolution-alternative resolution idea, I thought I would share with you what mine would look like.
Resolution 1) Lose Weight. Sure, why not? Lords know I need to. Losing weight has been on my list since I turned 30 years old, back in *-@#!&. In reality, I could gain 2 pounds on 2 ounces of hot air—if you put just a touch of butter on it! I currently weigh $*!@ lbs, which is @!$* more than last year, which is !@$& more than the year before, which is !@$* more than the year before that…
Alternative Resolution 1) Perfect that homemade peanut patty recipe that I worked on over the holidays. It just didn’t set up the way it should—but man did it taste good!! Maybe if I get that boiling temperature just a few degrees higher… Call the guys at Grow Safe Systems because I have obviously got a handle on this feed efficiency issue.
Resolution 2) Get in better shape. Yes, I definitely need to do this. I need to resume my daily walk routine and perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to add a little yoga each week. Stretching is good for what ails you! My wife suggests I might add a little bit of strength conditioning as well.
Alternative Resolution 2) Shorten the distance from my recliner to a; the charging station of my universal remote that sits on the end table next to my recliner, and b; the refrigerator. And also explore the possibilities of autonomous vehicles. Of course, that’s assuming it would still be legal to use cell phones and text while riding in the back seat.
Resolution 3) Cut down on wasteful spending. WELL WHO DOESN’T NEED TO DO THIS! I bet I could save !@$* per month by just going through my credit card statements and cancelling all of those annual renewal fees that I get charged for each year for Lord knows what. That’s like pouring feed right out onto the ground! I guess I should probably stop doing that too!
Alternative Resolution 3) Buy me one of those cool thermal imaging rifle scopes. The better ones have ranges up to several hundred yards. No hog would ever feel safe again! OR, look into buying one of those drones, but preferably one that I could sit in my office chair at home and check all the pastures for calving cows or heifers. This would require something more than the current line-of-sight drones that most companies offer.
Which path will I choose? Which path will you choose?